Writing for Riches
by Richard Schneyer
Apologizing for a lengthy missive, Thomas Jefferson is reported to have written, “If I had more time, I could write shorter letters.” Good, concise writing is more than putting remarks on paper. It requires thought, review, and editing.
I polished my writing while working at the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism. Believe me, nothing is as humbling as having your copy edited by newspapers editors and Pulitzer winners. It was an experience I cherish. Let me pass along some lessons.
As a fundraiser, you devote considerable effort crafting the creative “Please”, the artful “Thank you”. But being polite does not require wordy prose and unnecessary modifiers. Be succinct.
A poorly organized, “cut and paste” proposal is a disrespectful waste of the reader’s time. It says, “I don’t have time to be brief but you can probably get the point from the volume of facts presented.” Be organized.
Before you begin, determine your audience. Our organization’s standard description notes high rates of poverty and low rates of school matriculation in our service area. These data are compelling to foundations seeking to improve health care to the underserved. But this approach is not as effective, for example, to a bank. Although good corporate citizens will invest in the community, a corporation will want to reach new customers with its philanthropy. Rather than focusing on a low-income demographic, we invite the prospect to partner with a leader, noting our hospital’s recent media attention for an exceptional medical milestone. Know your audience.
Enlist a second reader, someone who will go beyond a cursory glance for punctuation or spelling. When another reads anew, what you know so well that you can anticipate the next sentence, they identify logic gaps or points that lack supporting information. A fresh reader will also find words that, despite spell check confirmation, are not appropriate.
Remove superfluous phrases or vague adjectives that do nothing but clutter a sentence. And, most importantly, avoid passive phrases that weaken your message. I offer the following example of how a complex sentence structure can be rewritten in active voice:
The team will offer assistance for patients and families in the discussion of advance directives, goals of care, explanation of prognosis and other medical issues, and will provide information on available options such as hospice and other forms of palliative care.
How about this for a ten-word savings?
The team will assist patients and families by discussing advance directives and care goals, explaining the prognosis and informing them of options such as hospice and other forms of palliative care.
Not a big deal? Know what can be saved in a six-page proposal?
Have the essential writing tools at your disposal: dictionary, thesaurus, Elements of Style or The Chicago Manual of Style. Other short books, such as Helen Gurley Brown’s The Writer’s Rules offer their own advice:
Good writing is a marriage of critical and creative thinking. Be thoughtful about your message. Focus on your audience.
Richard Schneyer is the Senior Director of Development at Montefiore Medical Center, Bronx, NY.
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